Why I do This.

I am a artist because I have decided to take that role in society. I could have been anything I wanted to be and I have wanted to be a lot of things, but I decided to go get a BFA. Growing up I enjoyed carrying paper and pens with me. I read a lot of comics and enjoyed trying to emulate some of the drawings. I liked to write stories and make up games. I was good at fixing things because I could come up with creative solutions. Sometimes I liked to take things apart and make new things out of the pieces. I had such a big imagination and would often get lost daydreaming. Also I was sensitive to the feelings of others and opinions. I had an art teacher tell me that I should go to Ringling College and study Fine Arts, she said I would do well there. I wasn't allowed in the art rooms after that year, because I would skip all of my classes to sit alone in the back room and play with the supplies. I had really hated school at the time and made the effort to graduate early so I could start working. When I was sick of making pizza I decided to go to college. The words of my Photography teacher were in the back of my mind. I was just in time to get into Ringlings Pre-college. I did a great job, felt really at home, and was put on the deans list. So I was allowed to come straight into Ringling that year. Now here I am three years later, a senior Fine Artist.

My current thesis project was arrived at unexpectedly; I wanted to start an LLC, instead I settled on gender studies. I spent the last summer in New York looking at art, talking with artists and teachers alike. My girlfriend, Athena, was attending the International Center Of Photography and I was allowed to come to outing and sit in on classes. I learned so much about Fine Arts and myself in those few months that really inspired me. Particularly a show called after 1968 in the Bronx Museum. The show highlighted, racism through postmodern and modern approaches. In the past I hadn't a high opinion of conceptual art, because I didn't really understand the power of it. Now I am interested in the way that an idea can be presented through arrangements. In the past I had trouble making series of works, but felt almost obligated to figure out how I could. I began looking at photographers and grew a sense of what I really liked about making a series. Also I began thinking about why each photographer chose to make their particular series of work ad how it related to them personally.

In the past my works have been single expressions that reflected my experience. A lot of sickness plagued me and my family, loneliness, and all sorts of things that just weren't happy. This year my life feels fresh and different. The cancer is gone, I dont have toxic poisoning anymore, and Athena is home. Athena is a big part of my life, and also is one of my first long term gay relationships. There were things that I had noticed in the past when I had dated boys or seen other girls that I paid no attention to for what ever reason, but with being in this relationship the topics have surfaced. I am thinking about my gender role in the relationship. Athena and I often joke, "When did I become the man?" as we are bickering over who is going to mow the lawn, kill the bug, get up to check what the noise outside is, etc. I am constantly finding symbols around my house that resonate as a specific gender. I want to explore this through and through. Starting with T.V shows I watched growing up where the characters are alloted gender roles, and sometimes are asked to question their gender. I want to engage in activities that make me feel masculine, feminine, and gender neutral to see if hormones are released when participation occurs. I want to paint still lifes of the objects around my house that I associate with a specific gender. All the while I want to marry form with content with presentation; to explore the academic practices of presenting images.